Talking to a Loved One About Senior Living, Part Two: Questions to Start the Conversation

Knowing what not to say when opening a senior living conversation with a loved one is essential, but an approach where everyone feels seen and heard can make all the difference.

When discussing this important transition with a loved one, communicating with empathy, clarity, and concern can convey a great deal. Not only does this affirm a loved one’s ability to make decisions about their own needs and independence, but it also confirms your commitment to supporting their health, safety, and overall well-being.

Before exploring the topic of senior living with your loved one, review the guidance in the article below to see how it can inform your approach. These conversation starters, open-ended and reflective in nature, offer seniors the opportunity to think about their current lifestyle and the many benefits of making a change. You’ll learn how to ease into conversations and minimize reactive emotions by using questions that foster understanding, validate fears, and encourage next steps—such as touring a community.

Quick Navigation:

• Start the conversation about senior living with these self-reflection questions that can minimize tension and open helpful dialogue with an older loved one.
• Trying to highlight the benefits of senior living? Instead of reading a list of services and amenities, ask these questions instead.
• Why connecting with a senior living expert is worth your time.

Self-Reflection Questions to Start the Conversation

Whether you’re currently caring for an older loved one or just beginning to notice a loved one’s changing needs, communicating early and often about senior living options offers many advantages. Starting with open-ended questions can be the perfect pathway, empowering both you and your loved one to share your individual concerns and perspectives respectfully.

Q: How do you feel about living alone?

Some older adults relish the freedom of living alone and appreciate a quiet, private life. Others may feel living alone is not ideal, but they can’t imagine living in a large community with other people. If your loved one lives alone, consider how they truly feel about their situation.

Ask them what concerns they have about living alone. Do they worry about their health or independence, home maintenance, personal care needs, or managing their weekly routine? If they could enjoy the benefits of additional assistance, where would they utilize this help?

Q: How often do you get to socialize and connect with other people?

Research suggests that social connection and regular face-to-face interaction are essential to maintaining our health and well-being as we age. If living a healthy, active lifestyle is important to your loved one, making social connections a priority is key. Encourage your loved one to think about how often they enjoy the company of others:

• How often do they receive visits from family members/friends?
• How frequently do they call family members throughout the day or week?
• Do they wish they could spend more time with you?
• Do they have neighbors nearby?
• What is their social circle like?
• Have they ever felt socially isolated?
• How often do they experience feelings of loneliness?

Living alone may offer its own reward, but when it comes to longevity or staving off loneliness, living in community with others can be a powerful choice to consider.

Q: How do you feel about your daily routine? How would you describe an enjoyable/ideal day? What would your routine consist of?

Invite your loved one to think about the tasks they dislike the most about living at home—the energy-draining responsibilities that take up time they would rather spend enjoying life. Ask them to envision a day they enjoy and what that would include? A hot espresso in the morning? A neighborhood walk? Lunch with a friend, followed by a favorite activity?

Envisioning their day with moments of connection, relaxation, learning, and fun might be something your loved one hasn’t done in quite a while. Remind them of the valuable contributions they have made in life and how important it is to have a sense of purpose and accomplishment, no matter your age.

Q: What makes it difficult to manage day-to-day responsibilities in your home?

Encourage your loved one to think about the daily challenges they experience. Perhaps they struggle with a multi-floor living environment, household responsibilities, boredom, chronic health conditions, transportation difficulties, or a lack of access to support and assistance when needed.

Below are a few follow-up questions for caregivers to consider as you evaluate and talk about your loved one’s ability to live safely and independently in their home:

• Is it becoming increasingly complex to maintain their independence in their home setting? Why or why not?
• Have they experienced a fall or other injury in the home? Is the home close to family members or friends who can help if there is an urgent need?
• Do they use a walker, wheelchair, or other assistive device in the home?
• Is their home equipped with technology that can support their day-to-day routine?
• What kind of personal care services could they benefit from?
• Are you noticing signs of forgetfulness or memory loss when visiting your loved one?

Q: What do you think about downsizing? What makes you feel nervous, overwhelmed, or concerned about this process?

Downsizing. It can feel like the right decision and the wrong decision all at the same time. It offers a tremendous sense of relief when sorting through clutter and clearing out unneeded belongings. But downsizing can also stir mixed emotions, making the thought of “change” a scary one.

Some older adults prefer to manage the process themselves and be the decision-makers about what to downsize and when. Others would rather family members support them through this process. If your loved one is concerned about downsizing, talk to a senior care counselor who can offer resources, recommendations, and referrals to make the transition to senior living a success. This can be a non-intimidating way for a loved one to explore a community without making any other commitments.

Q: If you were to move to a senior living community, what would be your most significant concern?

Be attentive and listen to your loved one share their concerns about making a move. Some of their concerns may be rooted in genuine fears about privacy, independence, or adapting to change. Others may be easily addressed with additional information or by taking a tour of a community. Validate their concerns and document them as you explore senior living options. Talk to a senior care counselor or current senior living residents and families and see how they can help.

Q: Why might you consider moving to a senior living community in the future?

Your loved one might not be emotionally ready to imagine themselves residing in a senior living community. Encourage them to look forward and think about why they might consider moving to a community in the future. As they reflect on the reasons why they might consider a future move, ask them why not sooner, or why not later? Invite them to consider the benefits of living in a community (maintenance-free living, chef-prepared meals, social opportunities, access to daily support when needed, etc.) and the advantages/disadvantages of delaying a move.

Q: If a friend invited you to visit a community, what would you be most curious about?

Even if your loved one isn't ready to visit a senior living community yet, they are likely curious about what life there is like. If they’re tech savvy or social media users, encourage them to follow a few local communities on Facebook to stay updated on daily events. This is a great way to view the community from a distance while still taking a closer look at the building, as well as the people, activities, routines, amenities, and other resident offerings. If mom or dad is hesitant about technology, consider sharing Facebook highlights with them on a mobile device or tablet.

Appealing to a loved one’s curiosity and creating informal ways to explore community life can be helpful. Visit a community’s website, explore their online resources, or watch a testimonial video from a resident. Any of these options can help educate your loved one about the senior living lifestyle and showcase its benefits, as experienced by current residents.

From Conversations to Connections

Many families find that it takes a series of conversations before a loved one begins to consider the next steps, such as downloading an online brochure or visiting a community in person.

After many conversations, if a loved one is still feeling uncertain about making a change, connecting with a senior living professional at a local independent or assisted living community can be a vital resource, providing guidance, perspective, and support for making the decision. Likewise, if a loved one is ready to explore community life, connecting with a senior living expert can provide answers to their questions, introductions to new friends, and a robust community experience that helps your loved one envision their new life in the community.

Cardinal Bay senior living experts are here to provide the guidance you need as you support your senior loved one. To connect with a member of our team and schedule a visit to one of our Central Texas or Oklahoma senior living communities, contact us today. Or subscribe to our blog to explore free, insightful resources dedicated to helping seniors and their caregivers—for all your future conversations!