The Challenges of Sandwiched Generation Caregiving, Part Two: Supporting Children & Aging Loved Ones

On any given day, parents are juggling countless family responsibilities: pick-ups and drop-offs, meetings, appointments, errands… the list never ends. And with these competing demands, parents fill multiple roles—chauffeur, chef, teacher, coach, nurse—all while caring for their children's ever-changing needs. The days are full, hands are full, but hearts are full, too.

Add to that scenario an aging family member with increasing care needs, and suddenly life becomes a bit more complex. Parents are ‘sandwiched’ between raising their own children and managing the care needs of an older loved one during a season already marked by change—and limited time, energy, and resources.

While it may seem elusive, finding a sense of balance as a sandwiched caregiver is possible. In this article, we’ll explore how to support your children and family while honoring your loved one and managing caregiving responsibilities during this time.

Quick Navigation

• Helping children cope with family caregiving
• Finding balance with structure and self-care
• When to explore options for additional support

An Overwhelming Time

Adapting to the role of a sandwiched generation caregiver can feel overwhelming. Feelings of guilt, failure, stress, or anxiety are constant companions, while the emotional and mental load never seems to lift.  You might feel like you’re neglecting things, forgetting details, or falling behind with so much on your plate.

If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath. Caregiving is not an easy job, and these feelings are common. It’s okay to show frustration on a tough day, be conflicted over decisions, or admit that you need help along the way; it’s part of the process. What’s important is leading with empathy—for yourself, your children, and your loved ones—and taking steps, however small, in the right direction.

Helping Children Cope with the Demands of Family Caregiving

While parents juggle the demands of caregiving, they often worry about the impact those responsibilities will have on their children and family.  Children of all ages consciously adjust and subconsciously react to these changes in various ways:

• They may notice changes in mom’s or dad’s disposition in response to stress.
• They may become irritable as schedules become busier, or bristle when a different routine is introduced.
• They may feel uncertainty about a relative’s health or the amount of time a parent spends away from home when managing caregiving duties.
• They may compete for attention by acting out or engaging in conflict with siblings.
• They may have difficulty managing disappointment when circumstances change without notice due to a loved one’s changing needs.
• They may experience difficulty regulating their own emotions in response to added stress.
• They may withdraw or feel anxious, angry, alone, or overlooked in the busyness.

Perhaps what’s most difficult for parents is helping children understand the importance of caregiving. It’s natural for children to think of themselves first and to feel frustrated when caregiving prompts changes to their routines, agendas, and desires.

Having an honest, age-appropriate conversation with your child during this time can go a long way in helping them understand what to expect and how to respond to these changes. Below are five ways to start this conversation:

1. Normalize the changes of aging. Describe some of the ways that we all need support as we get older.
2. Explain the situation. Calmly explain a senior loved one’s needs and the importance of caring for others.
3. Let them know what to expect. Acknowledge some of the changes they might see at home or with a loved one.
4. Offer perspective and reassurance. Assure them that they will always have your support, even as you support your loved one.
5. Encourage empathy. Emphasize the need for extra grace and patience, for mom, dad, siblings, themselves, and older loved ones.

If caring for an aging loved one with dementia is part of this conversation, try to help your children understand the changes they might see. Explain that their loved one (grandparent or other relative) is still the special person they have always known. Let them know they can still chat, connect, and enjoy meaningful visits and memorable times together, even though things may feel different. For more tips for talking with children about a loved one with Alzheimer’s or dementia, visit the National Institute on Aging’s site or the Alzheimer’s Association.  

Finding Balance with Structure and Self-Care

As parents adjust to their caregiving roles and children adapt to this season of change, creating a sense of balance at home can help everyone feel more secure and supported.

Prioritize family time as much as possible and protect family routines that help children feel safe and loved, whether it’s reading a story together, going to church, having weekly pizza-and-movie nights, or taking time to play, rest, and talk openly about how things are going. Invite children to share ideas for family time so they feel seen and heard.

Create positive patterns of helpful structure and self-care practices along the way:

• Work as a team. Emphasize a team approach and encourage a sense of togetherness and harmony at home whenever possible.

• Explain and communicate. Inform teachers, coaches, therapists, friends, and others (as you feel comfortable) that unexpected schedule changes can arise as a result of your caregiving responsibilities. Encourage communication and understanding.
• Share the load. Share age-appropriate household tasks with children, such as folding laundry, emptying the dishwasher, or taking out the trash, to encourage helpful habits.
• Adapt when needed. Adapt family routines for busy times/seasons without feeling guilty.
• Don’t say yes to everything. Work on maintaining a schedule that minimizes stress and unnecessary commitments.
• Set aside time to rest. Skip a week’s activity, or plan a “do-nothing day” at home.
• Ask for help with tasks. Recruit a home helper, babysitter, and if the budget allows, pay for services that can free up additional time (meal/grocery delivery, housekeeping, home maintenance, errands).
• Let it go. Don’t believe the myth that you have to “do it all.” Remember, “it is what it is.” You can only do your best, and that’s okay.

When to Explore Options for Additional Support

As your aging loved one’s care needs evolve or become more demanding, it might be time to consider other options for support. This decision doesn’t mean that you’ve failed as a caregiver or walked away from your responsibility. It simply means you’re taking steps to ensure everyone’s needs are addressed and supported appropriately.

Arranging support may seem overwhelming at first, but caregivers can start small, one step at a time.

• Find a home care aide who can help clean your loved one’s home, assist with laundry, or prepare meals for the week.
• Talk to your loved one’s physician about bringing home health care services into a loved one’s home to address any medical needs they might have.
• Visit an adult day center and see if the center could provide a few hours of engaging programs for a loved one who lives alone or a loved one with dementia.
• Tour a senior living community and ask about a respite stay to provide relief from caregiving responsibilities for a short period of time. This can be especially helpful when a loved one needs memory care, and you need time to recharge.
• Research local community organizations and agencies and take advantage of any services/benefits they can provide, such as Meals on Wheels, local dial-a-ride transportation, YMCA programs, senior center memberships, church groups, library events, and more.

Coordinating additional care services or professional support can provide stability, reduce caregiving stress, and protect your family's well-being as responsibilities increase.

Your Caregiving Journey: Helpful Next Steps

Caring for an aging loved one is a privilege that shows love in an actionable way, modeling compassion and empathy for your children. But asking for help when the demands of raising children and caring for aging loved ones become overwhelming is never a sign of weakness; it’s a decision that puts your family first, and it’s often the right thing to do.

• If you’re not sure what to do next in your caregiving journey…
• If your senior loved one needs more support than you can provide…
• If you’re curious about options to support your loved one at home…
• If you’re struggling to maintain your own health and well-being…
• Or if you’re wondering how to talk to your loved one about senior living…

Reach out to a Cardinal Bay senior living expert who can help.  We can offer a personalized assessment of your loved one’s care needs, guide you in coordinating their care—whether at home or in a community setting—and provide the reassurance you need that you are doing your best for your family.

We invite you to experience the warm, welcoming home environment at our Cardinal Bay senior living communities, which offer relationship-centered independent living, assisted living, and memory care options to help residents truly thrive. See how a move to a Cardinal Bay community resulted in peace of mind for families and their loved ones!

Schedule a visit to any of our Central Texas or Oklahoma locations, or follow our blog for additional resources for seniors and caregivers.