The responsibility of caring for an aging loved one is no longer the sole domain of adult children. Increasingly, grandchildren are stepping into caregiving roles, supporting their grandparents while balancing the needs of their own children and families. Although grandchildren represent a smaller percentage of caregivers overall, they are taking on many of the most common caregiving tasks and assuming active caregiving roles.
If you are a grandchild caring for a grandparent while juggling multiple family demands, read on for guidance to alleviate caregiver stress and support your aging loved one’s journey.
Key Takeaways
In this article, we’ll look at some of the challenges faced by grandchildren caring for grandparents and older loved ones. We’ll discuss strategies for:
- Assessing a loved one’s needs
- Creating a plan for support
- Understanding senior living options
- Touring senior living communities
- Planning ahead
- Starting the conversation about senior living
Challenges Faced by the Sandwich Generation
Members of the sandwich generation, generally middle-aged adults in their 40s and 50s, who have a parent aged 65 or older and a child aged 18 or younger, or an adult child they support financially, account for roughly one-quarter of U.S. adults (Pew Research Study, October 2021).
These sandwiched adults manage demanding careers, sports and school pickups, mid-life mental health concerns, self-care, homeownership, and, often, a substantial financial burden. Many are now adding a senior loved one’s meal preparation, medical appointments, or household chores to their to-do list. Some are even managing a loved one’s transition to a senior living community.
With more than enough on their plates, the concern of a senior loved one’s evolving care needs can lead to stress and strain in both routines and relationships. Before assessing a loved one’s needs and taking on this important responsibility, pause and reflect on your family’s current needs and goals. Identify areas that can be impacted by caregiving, prioritizing what’s most important, such as:
- Quality time with a spouse/partner/children
- Mental health needs of each family member
- Present and future financial goals
- Physical, spiritual, and emotional health
- Social connection with friends/family
- Healthy rest, nutrition, and self-care
Keep these needs at the forefront of your mind when balancing multiple responsibilities. Be selective with your commitments, scale back where necessary, and practice letting go of anything that doesn’t align with your priorities during this time.
Assessing a Loved One’s Needs
Once you’ve defined your priorities, start by assessing your loved one’s needs. This process may take time, but should include observations, conversations with your loved one and others close to them, and recommendations from trusted healthcare partners.
Home environment – Assess your loved one’s home environment for safety. Do they currently live on multiple levels or one floor? Is the house more than they can manage? Are updates needed? Do they live near family, friends, or other convenient locations? Is the house well-maintained, inside and/or out?
Healthcare Needs – Assess your loved one’s current personal care and mental health needs. How independent are they? Are they able to manage their daily routine during the day and at night? Can they manage their own medication? Is mobility a concern? Are they active, eating well, and able to handle regular tasks? Are they showing any signs of memory loss or dementia?
Financial Needs – Do they have funds to continue living comfortably? Could they afford a move to a senior living community? What is their monthly budget, and how is it allocated?
Social needs – Does your loved one have opportunities to socialize with others? Do they have access to transportation that can keep them well-connected? Do they have friends or family members to rely on?
Look for areas of concern when spending time with a loved one and stay aware of any changes, using this information to create a plan that best supports your loved one.
Create a Plan for Support
Creating a support plan can help grandchildren stay organized and up-to-date with a grandparent’s care. It can also serve as a tool when collaborating with other family members or coordinating services from professional healthcare partners.
When creating your plan, identify who might have the ability to help manage your loved one’s care needs. Can someone assist with medical appointments? Can another family member clean the house? Does your loved one have additional funds that can be used to cover home maintenance and upkeep, so you don’t have to?
A support plan should also address your loved one’s specific healthcare needs. If they require support with daily tasks, a family member may need to visit more often, or a home health aide may be recommended to assist with personal care. Ask a family physician for referrals and check reviews for those with high-quality ratings.
If caring for a grandparent in their home (or yours) is no longer the best option, become familiar with senior living options and explore how a community setting might benefit your loved one.
Understanding Senior Living & Care Options
“Sandwiched” caregivers have varying levels of knowledge and experience when it comes to exploring senior living and care options. While some individuals with a healthcare background are well-versed in the options available, others may be encountering community living options for the first time.
For grandchildren considering senior living for a grandparent, the quick list below offers a look at a few of the most common options:
Adult Day Care is a setting that provides a safe, engaging, and social environment for an older loved one during the day, generally during business hours. Some programs may offer nursing/wellness services. Adult day care offers support and respite for caregivers, particularly those who balance work, family, and other responsibilities.
Independent Living is a senior living option for older adults that provides accessible living arrangements, community services and amenities, a maintenance-free lifestyle, and a social setting for connection and engagement. This option is ideal for seniors who are mainly self-sufficient.
Assisted Living is a senior living option that combines the maintenance-free lifestyle and community amenities of independent living but with access to support for daily care needs, such as dressing, showering, and medication management.
Memory Care provides a specialized assisted living setting with a focus on caring for older adults with Alzheimer’s or dementia. This option offers additional staffing, support, and safety measures for individuals experiencing cognitive changes.
Home Health Care/ Home Care are medical and non-medical services provided in a loved one’s home that can help support their care needs and overall independence. Services range from assistance with housekeeping and meal preparation to full-time 12- or 24-hour care.
Skilled Nursing Care is specialized, 24/7 care, often along with short-term and long-term rehabilitation, for older adults recovering from injuries, strokes, surgeries, or other medical conditions. These communities can provide a higher level of care and staffing.
Touring a Senior Living Community
A senior living community can be an essential resource for “sandwiched” caregivers. Even if your loved one is not thinking about moving anytime soon, it’s helpful to have a full understanding of the lifestyle and benefits of senior living. One senior living tour can reduce time spent researching and provide a wealth of answers and information.
Touring a senior living community can help you get familiar with its offerings well in advance of starting a conversation about moving with your loved one. You’ll have a better idea of what your loved one can afford, what daily life is like in the community, and what supportive care services are available.
You can also compare and evaluate the cost of living in a community with the cost of living at home, including the cost of receiving home care/home health care services, and other expenses. Caregivers can rely on the guidance they’ll receive from a community’s senior living expert, who can provide referrals and resources for options at any stage.
Planning Ahead
When managing multiple responsibilities, planning ahead can feel like a luxury. But for busy caregivers, it’s more than just a smart choice. The needs of a senior loved one can change unexpectedly, which is why it’s best to avoid making decisions in a crisis.
Prioritize the following practices when caring for a grandparent or other older loved one:
Know the cost. Have your questions answered and find out what’s covered and what’s not when it comes to expenses. What kind of budget does your loved one have? Does your loved one have a home to sell? Do they have long-term care insurance? Is the community’s rental rate all-inclusive?
Know the benefits that can help: If cost is a concern for your grandparent, look into the option of Veterans benefits or take advantage of local programs, insurance policies, or other options that can help. Even if benefits do not cover the cost of housing, having additional funds to support the cost of supportive care services is valuable.
Know your preferences: If an aging grandparent needs a higher level of care, short-term rehab stay, or can no longer safely live at home, know the communities or agencies you prefer that provide exceptional living and care.
Know your role: Work with your loved one to ensure that all important legal and financial documentation is in order. This can include a healthcare/financial Power of Attorney, advance directives/living wills, long-term care insurance policies, community lease, and others. A senior living advisor can often provide financial checklists and other tools to help simplify this process.
Start the Conversation
Grandchildren caring for older loved ones, like many “sandwiched” caregivers, will need to have ongoing conversations with their loved ones. These conversations will need to start with empathy and patience and be open-ended, including a loved one’s perspective and honoring their preferences.
At some point, a conversation about moving to a senior living community may arise. Before making any decisions about a move, foster healthy communication with your loved one with the following questions and comments:
- How are you feeling about living alone?
- What do you wish could be different in your life?
- I want you to be safe and enjoy your independence.
- How can we make things easier?
- What do you think life will look like if you move/stay in your home?
- How would you describe your ideal daily routine?
- I’m concerned about…
- What’s most important to you?
These conversations can include guidance from other family members, physicians, social workers, spiritual care advisors, financial advisors, realtors, and other relevant partners whose perspective can be helpful.
Visit a Community Together
Caring for grandparents is an honorable choice, one that models the importance of family, compassion, and love to your own children, but asking for help and support when you need it is also admirable.
As caregiving responsibilities increase and finding balance becomes more difficult, it may be time to consider the benefits of a senior living community. Visit a community together with your loved one to see how the lifestyle and support align with your loved one’s priorities and needs. Speak with current residents and their families to learn about their experiences and understand what daily life is like. Many seniors (and their loved ones) find that living in a community with others offers a fulfilling and connected life in a way they never expected.
To learn more about how senior living communities can support you in your caregiving journey or enrich the life of an older loved one, connect with a Cardinal Bay senior care expert today! Check out our valuable free resources by subscribing to our blog or scheduling a tour at any of our independent living, assisted living, and memory care communities in Central Texas and Oklahoma.